Say hello to my little friend.
The humble grapefruit was a staple of 1980s diet crazes and fads. Long a symbol of deprivation, the grapefruit gets a bad rap in my opinion. Diet practitioners in the 80s used to tell people that the magical enzymes in grapefruit would help them burn calories and melt fat. If that isn’t setting off your bullshit detectors, please go sit at the back of the class and don’t raise your hand again.
The worst diet fad to propagate this myth was the Scarsdale Diet. According to its author, just one grapefruit for breakfast every day was enough to help you burn through the 700 calories per day you were allotted. Yeah, you read that right. That’s half the calories a woman should be eating even if she’s on a fucking diet.
Unfortunately, the diet’s popularity lasted longer than it’s founder, Dr. Herman Mengele Tarnower, who was quite rightly murdered in 1980 by his mistress. Presumably because she’d been following his sadistic diet for too long and decided to take one for the ladies.
"I may have been asking for it."
Even for modern dieters, grapefruits are a lovely way to start the day without spiking your blood sugar levels to “10,000-4-year-olds-at-a-birthday-party” levels. If you can’t handle the sourness, grab a vintage bottle of liquid Sugar Twin brand sweetener, and go hog wild on that shit.
"Who you calling Splenda, bitch?"
On this blog, we only talk about one thing: 80s diet and fitness trends. If you’re into that, then let’s dig in.
This shit is real, son.
I’m your host. I’m too fat right now and I need to lose 10 lbs, minimum. Treadmills bore the fuck out of me so I’ve decided to do it the 80s way. There’s gonna be a lot of grapefruit, some cottage cheese, legwarmers, ponytails and lip gloss. All in pursuit of the ultimate 80s fitness look: the high-waisted leotard.
Can I get a "fuck yeah"?
I will not be posting before and after pictures of myself. That shit is gross. I will be reviewing 80s fitness programs, 80s fitness movies, 80s weight loss programs, and bad-ass 80s fitness icons, like my girl, Cheryl Tiegs.
You want this.
But first, a few rules regarding any progress updates I might make from time to time.
Rule #1: No starvation diets. Seriously, fuck that.
Rule #2: No bullshit advice. Only nutritional guidance from from ACTUAL obesity and nutrition researchers is allowed. People who play doctors and fitness experts on TV (Mehmet, Jillian, I’m looking at you) can FUCK RIGHT OFF.
Rule #3: Whenever possible, get metrics. I know this part isn’t very 80s, but I’ll be using online and mobile apps like Runkeeper and MyFitnessPal to at least try to get a sense of my daily calorie balance. Calorie counting is VERY 80s.
Rule #4: Always be primping. That’s just sound life advice.
Are you bitches ready? Let’s do.