80s Diet Foods: Grapefruit

Say hello to my little friend.

The humble grapefruit was a staple of 1980s diet crazes and fads. Long a symbol of deprivation, the grapefruit gets a bad rap in my opinion. Diet practitioners in the 80s used to tell people that the magical enzymes in grapefruit would help them burn calories and melt fat. If that isn’t setting off your bullshit detectors, please go sit at the back of the class and don’t raise your hand again.

The worst diet fad to propagate this myth was the Scarsdale Diet. According to its author, just one grapefruit for breakfast every day was enough to help you burn through the 700 calories per day you were allotted. Yeah, you read that right. That’s half the calories a woman should be eating even if she’s on a fucking diet.

Unfortunately, the diet’s popularity lasted longer than it’s founder, Dr. Herman Mengele Tarnower, who was quite rightly murdered in 1980 by his mistress. Presumably because she’d been following his sadistic diet for too long and decided to take one for the ladies.

"I may have been asking for it."

Even for modern dieters, grapefruits are a lovely way to start the day without spiking your blood sugar levels to “10,000-4-year-olds-at-a-birthday-party” levels. If you can’t handle the sourness, grab a vintage bottle of liquid Sugar Twin brand sweetener, and go hog wild on that shit.

"Who you calling Splenda, bitch?"

80s Bod Icon: Lotte Berk

I recently read that the Lotte Berk Method is making a comeback in New York and San Francisco. This is amazing news for lovers of The 80s Bod! I remember doing Lotte Berk with my mom in our living room when I was a really small kid, using a tape and a book. Seriously.

Check her out, she’s like the world’s most judgemental choreographer giving you shit for eating a cookie.

Her program focused on dance moves to get a ballerina’s figure, without the years of training and self-loathing that usually are required. Lotte herself was by all accounts a total badass and, according to her daughter, completely batshit insane.

Let’s peep some moves from her 1982 video series.

I would say that our instructor here had proto-80s bod. I could use a few more inches on the leotard legs. You really want to see a full rounded hip bone jutting out in an A-line from the leg hole.

Oh yeah, thats the stuff.

Berets off to Lotte Berk, our first 80s fitness icon! They’ve just released an updated version of her Method on DVD, which I will be acquiring and reviewing shortly.

Welcome

On this blog, we only talk about one thing: 80s diet and fitness trends. If you’re into that, then let’s dig in.

This shit is real, son.

I’m your host. I’m too fat right now and I need to lose 10 lbs, minimum. Treadmills bore the fuck out of me so I’ve decided to do it the 80s way. There’s gonna be a lot of grapefruit, some cottage cheese, legwarmers, ponytails and lip gloss. All in pursuit of the ultimate 80s fitness look: the high-waisted leotard.

Can I get a "fuck yeah"?

I will not be posting before and after pictures of myself. That shit is gross. I will be reviewing 80s fitness programs, 80s fitness movies, 80s weight loss programs, and bad-ass 80s fitness icons, like my girl, Cheryl Tiegs.

You want this.

But first, a few rules regarding any progress updates I might make from time to time.

Rule #1: No starvation diets. Seriously, fuck that.

Rule #2: No bullshit advice. Only nutritional guidance from from ACTUAL obesity and nutrition researchers is allowed. People who play doctors and fitness experts on TV (Mehmet, Jillian, I’m looking at you) can FUCK RIGHT OFF.

Rule #3: Whenever possible, get metrics. I know this part isn’t very 80s, but I’ll be using online and mobile apps like Runkeeper and MyFitnessPal to at least try to get a sense of my daily calorie balance. Calorie counting is VERY 80s.

Rule #4: Always be primping. That’s just sound life advice.

Are you bitches ready? Let’s do.